An Interview With St. Nick

Yes, I am personal friends with the Big Man up North – Santa Claus. We go way back. So when I asked him if I could interview him, he was more than happy to oblige. I’m not going to lie – scoring major “cool points” with my nieces and nephews was a motivating factor in getting the scoop on St. Nick. I mean, how many aunts know Santa Claus! 

In this hard-hitting interview, I asked the questions that everyone is wondering. Read on to learn more (including how to make it onto the Nice List).

AG: What can kids do to get off of the naughty list and make it to the nice list?
Santa: Oh, it’s really not hard to get on the nice list. All you have to do is show respect for and be kind to other people. Even those who don’t look like you, sound like you or dress like you. And remember that being mean to somebody that is smaller, weaker, or just isn’t as “cool” as other people will get you that lump of coal you’ve heard about. Except, I don’t do coal anymore as I ’m trying to move away from fossil fuels entirely. I just use rocks painted black to look like coal.

AG: You eat a lot of cookies when you’re delivering toys. What is your favorite?
Santa: Well, it’s hard to pick a favorite. There are so many good cookies out there, you know. Peanut butter, oatmeal raisin, and, oh my…snickerdoodles. I love them all!  But I guess if I had to pick one it would be chocolate chip with pecans.

AG: This is your busiest time of year. How do you plan to relax after Christmas?
Santa: Mrs. Claus and I will probably go someplace warm for a little vacation. Maybe to a quiet, deserted beach in Florida. Nothing too exciting, just a deserted beach where I can work on my tan and take naps. I’m partial to the Gulf Coast. The Redneck Riviera, if you will.

AG: Are the other reindeers jealous of Rudolph?

Santa: Not anymore. They were at first – especially Blitzen for some reason, but they’re all great friends now. You see, they’ve all got their own special talent and each contributes when they’re needed. Cupid, for instance, knows exactly how to talk us in when we land on a roof with a very steep pitch. Dasher is a real jokester, he’s great at keeping everyone laughing. And Vixen never ever gets lost. In fact, she’s our GPS. So Rudolph isn’t the only special reindeer, they’re all special in their own way.

AG: Have you ever gotten stuck in a chimney? What did you do?

Santa: I once misjudged a chimney in Holyoke, Massachusetts. I tried to slide out of my coat, thinking that would make enough difference in my girth to get me going, then shimmy on down without it and retrieve it after I got down. But it was too tight! About that time, with me squirming and wiggling in that chimney, all the cookies and milk I had been stuffing myself with released a giant bubble of air and I let out this huge burp! It was so loud, it scared the reindeer! But it made my belly small enough to let me slide on down to the bottom. It was a scary few minutes, let me tell you.

AG: How do you deliver presents to homes without chimneys?

Santa: At one time all houses had chimneys and there was no problem. Even in warm climates, people had fireplaces to cook in. Then people (grown-ups) started building houses with central heat and putting stoves in kitchens.  Suddenly, I had no way to get in! Fortunately, my head elf, Bernard knew of another elf who could make magic keys. He made me a set and I have never had a problem since. I’ve got my IT elves working on these keyless entry systems as we speak.

AG: How do you keep dogs from barking when you’re delivering gifts?

Santa: Oh, dogs know me and know that I’m not a threat to them or their families. Dogs can sense that I love them and want to be their friend. Also, I carry plenty of dog snacks in my coat pockets.

AG: How does Mrs. Claus help you prepare for the Christmas holiday?

Santa: She is a great source of cheer and merriment, which I really need when things get hectic or I just get tired from the long days and hard work. She helps me find answers to problems that come up and tries to warn me when I’m about to do something stupid. I absolutely could not do it without her.

AG: What is your favorite color?

Santa: You’re kidding, right?
Note: I have no choice but to assume that Santa’s favorite color is magenta.

AG: You’ve lived in the North Pole for quite awhile. Do you ever think of moving somewhere new?

Santa: Oh, I’m not saying the thought never crosses my mind but the North Pole is home to me now. There may be places with better weather or more fun things to do but, no place could ever feel like home the way the North Pole does. Plus, I could never abandon Bernard and the other elves, and they would never consider relocating

You can follow Santa on his Facebook  Page: and ask him your own questions along with where he may be making special appearances this holiday season. 

Published by Ashley Zoerner

I'm originally from New Orleans, LA and grew up in the nearby town of Waveland, MS. I graduated from Georgia State University with a communications degree in 2010. Since then I've traveled the country and world meeting the most interesting people. My dream is to tell people's stories and share my passions with the world.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: